A "Job Posting" You Have To See

Wow. I don't even know how to introduce this "job posting" I came across on Craigslist, which is quite the wild card, because you're as likely to find a legitimate job prospect there as you are a serial killer or someone with a superglue fetish looking for playmates. This is the strangest and potentially one of the most disturbing posts I've seen. Take a look.



I included the link because I wanted to prove to you that this was real, that I wasn't making it up. I know you trust me, but still, this is so outrageous that I just had to show you that someone actually put this up as an ad online. Here, if you prefer, is the copied and pasted version:

"Paid Improv at Family Home (My Family's House)

Ok. So Listen, I REALLY need to laugh this Christmas. I need it. Seriously. Here's my idea. You come with me to my house for Christmas pretending to be a character. It may be one you want to work on, or one that is invented together, we can discuss it on the way. I figure somwhere in there, at the very least, mention in some manner to my very religious and conservative family, that you love the nazis, or were a stripper-ninja or something interesting. Oh, and that God doesn't exist. Definitely. Or something to stir up some hilarious and non-hurtful controversy. So I guess you not only have to be a girl but also some form of atheist-stripper-nazi.

I'm telling you it's a trip. We'll make it up as we go along. Anyway, I'd do it for you. In fact, that's the deal, I'll go with you to one of yours, if you want. It'll be fun!

I'm a guy, so it may be easier to explain to my parents that this is a new girlfriend, rather then the alternative where I come out of the closet to my parents. - Man, that would be dedication. - But, for right now, I'd rather they not have heartattacks BOTH. Who would be left to entertain me? Anyway, even though you should be a girl, this is not a date! It's an experiment. An exploration. Did I mention that I NEED to laugh this Christmas? Sure, I think I did. This is a paid gig. If what I'm offering is not enough, tell me what you would do it for. I'm flexible. Improv skills welcome.

Ok. So Understand the concept? If you're still reading, this must be interesting to you. I plan to record most of it and cull a play out of it somehow. So this is a chance to do some co-writing as well. Anyway, I think I've explained enough. So, if you are just sitting around NYC during the holidays and want to join in on some experimental theatre, give me a holler. The days would be consecutive Dec 22-28th. Overnight stays at my family's but no Hanky. And no Panky. Really.

Unless you want to. But I'd have to think about it. But probably not much. No but then I wouldn't. But then I would be thinking about it all night, so I would probably try in the middle of the night when you would already be sleeping and freak you out. Then I would apologize and FINALLY go to sleep. Then we would(hopefully) laugh about it the next day. Or right now. Or... not.

This is a tough challenge for an actor.You really have to be this part. My parents have to believe you. My sister has to believe you and she is very observant. The stakes are high, because feelings could get hurt if it's not believeableand true. It's a worthy challenge for any actress. Plus, it'll be fun! Did I already mention that?

C'mon do it. Take a risk. Do something no-one's ever thought of to do before. It'll be fun! Or maybe not! Either way, It'll be fun!

Please send a current headshot or photo. Better current than headshot. Cheers!"

Okay, I'm not even going to touch the part about "Hanky" and "Panky" and his telling the potential applicants that he will likely crawl into bed with them. Is this guy for real? Does he actually expect to get ANYONE to reply to this ad? I seriously believe that only a completely delusional, psychotic, or in some other way mentally-diseased person would apply for something like this. Is this not one of the creepiest things you've ever seen?

I'm not going to touch on the fact that he's basically offering to pay people for a performance plus perhaps a little extra, which is coming dangerously close to prostitution, and I'm not going to touch on it any more than I have because it frankly makes my skin crawl to think that there are people who post ads like this out there, walking free in the world. This is unsettling. It is disturbing enough that he is inviting girls (and he does say "you not only have to be a girl but also some form of atheist-stripper-nazi") for "Overnight stays at my family's." That alone is just plain creepy and I firmly advise all girls to steer far clear of this and all similar ads.

This is the unfortunate reason Craigslist has developed the reputation it has. It is a shame, because there are legitimate posts by legitimate, moral and respectable people; but there are also lots of these. However, I have not seen any quite like this.

If the guy really wanted to just play a joke on his family, here's a bit of advice for him: Ask someone you know. Obviously, someone your family doesn't know. But someone you know, someone who knows you are not a serial killer or deranged sexual deviant. Someone who knows you are just a person looking for a laugh, who loves to play practical jokes. That way, they won't fear that by going to your family's house, they will wind up becoming some kind of sex slave tied up in your attic. Or a piece of furniture. Do you see what I'm saying? Do you understand why you shouldn't have posted this online? Think about it from the perspective of the girls you are seeking. Really.

Maybe this guy is really a super-nice, honest and respectful guy who just wants to play a great practical joke on his family. But the way he's presenting himself and this offer is definitely not reflecting that. It sounds like he is looking for a new girlfriend, but trying to disguise it by presenting it as an offer to pay a girl to pretend to be his girlfriend. Then, when he's got her right where he wants her, he will try to make her his girlfriend--or worse.

Dude, whoever you are, I hope you are not a crazy killer, and I hope that if you happen to read this, it helps you to realize that this is not something you should be posting. I mean no offense. I'm just trying to help.

I don't recommend that anyone reply to this post, even just to reiterate what I've said here. It is better not to respond at all if you do not know the type of person with whom you are dealing. I just wanted to make you all aware of this.