Who are the worst neighbors ever? Me and my roommate (one of my best friends)during our sophomore year of college were probably good candidates. I don't think we would have won, but we would have put up a fight, that's for sure. I won't lay any blame on our third roommate; he was innocent. He was quiet and courteous. We, on the other hand, crammed fifteen (15) people into our cramped room that slept three but appeared to have been built for two and a half, and belted out Kelly Clarkson songs at the top of our lungs at midnight. Well, we had fun, at least. I don't think our neighbors did.
In terms of being good roommates to each other, we did quite well. Except for the time two of us threw balled-up articles of clothing at our innocent, quiet roommate while he slept. When he woke up, it looked as though he had passed out in a laundry basket. I was overall a good roommate all through college, once I stopped hanging my sweaty jockstrap in the window directly facing my freshman-year roommate's (another one of my best friends)bed, so that the breeze brought all the odor right to his nostrils. And I was second in my class in high school? Good lord, what did the people at the bottom of the class do?
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Even stranger--and more disturbed--people
I encountered a seriously disturbed individual in a NYC Subway. Now, you may have heard this a lot, or even encountered such people in the city subways, but this was a Subway restaurant. It's not in such a place that you normally expect to see such an individual. But there she was. The man behind the counter was finishing preparing her sandwich and she wanted it cut and wrapped in a specific way, so she was explaining that to him but I guess he was having trouble understanding exactly what she wanted because she started yelling "let me wrap my own sandwich!" So I'm ordering my sandwich and this seriously rude woman keeps interrupting me and the guy making mine, which is making the guy take longer, thus extending the amount of time I have to wait before enjoying my sandwich, and that's just not okay. So things start to escalate between her and the barely English-speaking Hispanic man trying to help her (so he can get the hell rid of her). I must have missed something, because the next thing I know, they're arguing over payment. The man is explaining to her that she still owes a dollar for the sandwich, but she does not agree. I don't think math--or English--or people skills--was her strong point. it seems her strong point was being a crazy obnoxious bitch. So she goes about counting pennies out of her purse. Evidently, she wanted to pay a dollar in pennies. This created another problem, because the man helping her understandably was not totally loving the idea of waiting for her to deposit a hundred copper circles on the counter and then have to try and fit them all into the cash register. Don't know why, but somehow he wasn't crazy about that idea, I guess. Here's the thing, though--did she even have close to a hundred pennies in that purse? I mean, who carries around that kind of change? Someone selling individual sticks of gum? Anyway, after a couple more tense exchanges between them, she grabs the dollar bill he's holding out of his hand and throws it at him. She starts swearing at the man, and throwing napkins on the floor, telling him to come clean them up. She's yelling "F^$k you!" and he's yelling "F^$k you!" and she yells back "How dare you talk to your customers like that!" She continues to make a mess, yelling 'take it outta your paycheck, f@&&*t!" I think she was referring to the balance owed on her sandwich. Maybe she should have just paid by credit card and paid the balance when she had the money. Well, the gritty-looking woman continues yelling and starts doing some weird and incredibly unattractive dance I hope never to see again from someone with that kind of posterior. I was expecting all the sewer rats in the city to be summoned and start circling her and following her into her lair, wherever it may be. Finally, she leaves after the men behind the counter threaten to call the cops. "I'mma come back here tomorrow with my boss, f@&&*t! I'mma tell 'im what you did!" What did he do? More to the point--you have a boss? What do YOU do?
Laundry
So I'm about the worst there is at keeping my blog updated. i know I'm keeping my two loyal followers in suspense, impatiently awaiting the next stroke of genius. Well, here it is, at long last.
What is with instructions on clothing these days? I mean, am I the only one who's confused? "Machine wash warm with like colors." But some of the like colors bear the instruction "Machine wash cold." So what are you supposed to do? Have four different loads when you really only have enough dirty laundry for two full ones? What a waste of money if you're using pay-per-use machines, as I am in my apartment building. My mom says everything can be washed in cold water, so I try to stick to that, but still--why do they say 'warm" then? And why the heck do I still find my clothes shrinking even though I put everything on 'low-delicate' specifically to avoid such shrinkage?! C'mon! Give me a break! Who do I blame for this? The manufacturer, I suppose. It's enough to drive a man nuts, I say.
What is with instructions on clothing these days? I mean, am I the only one who's confused? "Machine wash warm with like colors." But some of the like colors bear the instruction "Machine wash cold." So what are you supposed to do? Have four different loads when you really only have enough dirty laundry for two full ones? What a waste of money if you're using pay-per-use machines, as I am in my apartment building. My mom says everything can be washed in cold water, so I try to stick to that, but still--why do they say 'warm" then? And why the heck do I still find my clothes shrinking even though I put everything on 'low-delicate' specifically to avoid such shrinkage?! C'mon! Give me a break! Who do I blame for this? The manufacturer, I suppose. It's enough to drive a man nuts, I say.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Names That Might Actually Make Your Cat Leave You
What are the most unique cat names out there? Check out the top ten I've found. Got any to rival these? I'd love to hear them. People sometimes give strange names to their pets, don't they? Let's face it, they sometimes give strange names to their kids, too. As we go through this list of unique cat names, I want you to put yourself in the paws of the cats given these names, and ask yourself: If I knew what I know as a person, but were a cat, what would I think of my name?
Here we go....
The first unusual cat name on the list is Appollinaris. I found this one on www.funcatnames.com/. According to the site, it was the name of a cat belonging to renowned American writer Mark Twain (real name Samuel Clemens). Okay, so it's unusual, and a bit long, but it doesn't seem too ridiculous. Just wait.
All of the following names I found on www.cat-names.us/.
How about Vegemite? Wouldn't you just love to be named after a yeast extract spread? I know I would.
If that name doesn't strike your fancy, what about a different food, like Mushroom?
Oh, heck, why don't we just go ahead and name the cat Bologna while we're at it? Bologna? Seriously? This I don't understand. Unless you live in China, how do you look at a cat and think of food? And since this site was "cat-names.us," I'm a little confused.
If you don't want to name your cat after any type of food, why not go with a name like Goober? It's a southern U.S. term for a peanut--or a northern U.S. term for a southerner (well, to be specific, a redneck whose tires on his truck are so big his wife needs to be an Olympic pole vaulter to get into the passenger seat).
Not crazy about that one, either? Well, I don't know why, but okay...what about Bacardi? What alcoholics name their cats.
If your cat practices civil disobedience, why not name him Gandhi, after the celebrated peace activist? How does a cat do anything that would remind you of Gandhi? I guess if, instead of pooping in your shoes when he's angry, your cat stages a sit-in and refuses to go to the vet when you want him to, the name might be fitting.
If you're still not loving any of these, fear not...we've got a few more good prospects for you, beginning with Balto. Yes, like the famous sled dog who aided the Eskimos. Why give your cat a cat name when you can name it after a completely different species, known for its tendency to chase and torment cats?
If naming your cat for a dog is just not quite weird enough for you, you might want to go even further and call it Frog, after a creature that lives in water--which cats hate.
And lastly, how about Cancun? I know it may seem a bit strange to name an animal after a geographical location, but not if you went there on Spring Break and got so wasted that you came home with a cat you don't remember buying--or stealing.
Why do people give their cats these names? You've got me. Your guess is as good as--or perhaps better than--mine. But the question remains...if you were the cat, would you want any of the names above? If you need to get the weird naming thing out of your system, though, please do it on the pets and not on the kids. I'm telling you, it may seem like a novel and fun idea when they're born, but not when they're being verbally tortured in school and resent you for the duration of their young lives, until they're old enough to go to court and get their names legally changed. At least the cats won't know that they have ridiculous names, and probably won't hate you for them.
Here we go....
The first unusual cat name on the list is Appollinaris. I found this one on www.funcatnames.com/. According to the site, it was the name of a cat belonging to renowned American writer Mark Twain (real name Samuel Clemens). Okay, so it's unusual, and a bit long, but it doesn't seem too ridiculous. Just wait.
All of the following names I found on www.cat-names.us/.
How about Vegemite? Wouldn't you just love to be named after a yeast extract spread? I know I would.
If that name doesn't strike your fancy, what about a different food, like Mushroom?
Oh, heck, why don't we just go ahead and name the cat Bologna while we're at it? Bologna? Seriously? This I don't understand. Unless you live in China, how do you look at a cat and think of food? And since this site was "cat-names.us," I'm a little confused.
If you don't want to name your cat after any type of food, why not go with a name like Goober? It's a southern U.S. term for a peanut--or a northern U.S. term for a southerner (well, to be specific, a redneck whose tires on his truck are so big his wife needs to be an Olympic pole vaulter to get into the passenger seat).
Not crazy about that one, either? Well, I don't know why, but okay...what about Bacardi? What alcoholics name their cats.
If your cat practices civil disobedience, why not name him Gandhi, after the celebrated peace activist? How does a cat do anything that would remind you of Gandhi? I guess if, instead of pooping in your shoes when he's angry, your cat stages a sit-in and refuses to go to the vet when you want him to, the name might be fitting.
If you're still not loving any of these, fear not...we've got a few more good prospects for you, beginning with Balto. Yes, like the famous sled dog who aided the Eskimos. Why give your cat a cat name when you can name it after a completely different species, known for its tendency to chase and torment cats?
If naming your cat for a dog is just not quite weird enough for you, you might want to go even further and call it Frog, after a creature that lives in water--which cats hate.
And lastly, how about Cancun? I know it may seem a bit strange to name an animal after a geographical location, but not if you went there on Spring Break and got so wasted that you came home with a cat you don't remember buying--or stealing.
Why do people give their cats these names? You've got me. Your guess is as good as--or perhaps better than--mine. But the question remains...if you were the cat, would you want any of the names above? If you need to get the weird naming thing out of your system, though, please do it on the pets and not on the kids. I'm telling you, it may seem like a novel and fun idea when they're born, but not when they're being verbally tortured in school and resent you for the duration of their young lives, until they're old enough to go to court and get their names legally changed. At least the cats won't know that they have ridiculous names, and probably won't hate you for them.
Sssshhhhh....this is an airplane!
Enough with the chit-chat! The top 10 reasons why cell phones should be banned on airplanes.
Why should cell phones be banned on planes? Here are my top 10 reasons:
1) They supposedly interfere with the radio signals the plane sends and receives, which could cause a miscommunication or total failure of communication between the pilot and the air traffic controller. This could cause a plane to take off at the wrong time and possibly collide with another plane. Would YOU want to be responsible for this? No? Then I think your conversation with your gal pal about where you're going to go shopping once you land can wait.
2) I don't want to listen to you. I don't want to hear you yelling into the phone, completely oblivious of everyone around you who is trying to hear him or herself think or trying to have a quiet, respectful conversation with the person sitting beside him or her. I want to read my book or listen to my iPod without having to hear you yammer on about the new bag you just bought or the amazing guest they had on Oprah yesterday.
3) You could be the one sitting in the seat directly adjacent to the emergency exit, and I don’t really feel like having to scream at you and eventually shove you out of the way and climb over you to do your job, which is to open up the exit and help usher people out when we have to make an emergency landing in the Hudson.
4) I don’t want to hear your kid scream and cry incessantly because you won’t get off the phone for one minute to calm him or her down. I’d prefer to take my plane ride in peace….particularly if it’s a long one.
5) No one else wants to listen to you, have to climb over you to get to the emergency exit, or hear your child scream because you’re neglecting him.
6) If we experience severe turbulence, I don’t really want your phone to fly out of your hand and hit me in the head, rendering me unconscious. I think I speak for all your fellow passengers when I say this.
7) I want to be able to hear what the pilot is saying, because it might be important. One thing’s for sure…it’s going to be more important to me than hearing about what happened on last night’s episode of “The Bachelor.” Guess what? I don’t care who got the rose. I care about listening to instructions so I can get through this plane ride alive.
8) I want to be sure the flight attendant gets my order right, and that may be difficult if you are sitting right next to me or behind me and won’t stop screaming in excitement because your girlfriend got to touch Justin Timberlake’s hand at a concert. I don’t want to get peanuts when I ordered Cheez-its. I know both are full of sodium, but I prefer the taste of the Cheez-its.
9) I want to be able to finish writing the great American novel, which is most certainly not about who told off whom on “Jersey Shore” yesterday.
10) You’re allowed to use your cell phone almost everywhere else…why can’t you just detach it from your ear for the duration of the flight, out of respect for your fellow passengers, who have no escape from hearing your torturous voice other than to lock themselves in the cramped bathroom and come out with scoliosis? If you must make a call, please keep it brief, i.e., “We just landed. Meet you at the baggage claim.” Thank you!
Why should cell phones be banned on planes? Here are my top 10 reasons:
1) They supposedly interfere with the radio signals the plane sends and receives, which could cause a miscommunication or total failure of communication between the pilot and the air traffic controller. This could cause a plane to take off at the wrong time and possibly collide with another plane. Would YOU want to be responsible for this? No? Then I think your conversation with your gal pal about where you're going to go shopping once you land can wait.
2) I don't want to listen to you. I don't want to hear you yelling into the phone, completely oblivious of everyone around you who is trying to hear him or herself think or trying to have a quiet, respectful conversation with the person sitting beside him or her. I want to read my book or listen to my iPod without having to hear you yammer on about the new bag you just bought or the amazing guest they had on Oprah yesterday.
3) You could be the one sitting in the seat directly adjacent to the emergency exit, and I don’t really feel like having to scream at you and eventually shove you out of the way and climb over you to do your job, which is to open up the exit and help usher people out when we have to make an emergency landing in the Hudson.
4) I don’t want to hear your kid scream and cry incessantly because you won’t get off the phone for one minute to calm him or her down. I’d prefer to take my plane ride in peace….particularly if it’s a long one.
5) No one else wants to listen to you, have to climb over you to get to the emergency exit, or hear your child scream because you’re neglecting him.
6) If we experience severe turbulence, I don’t really want your phone to fly out of your hand and hit me in the head, rendering me unconscious. I think I speak for all your fellow passengers when I say this.
7) I want to be able to hear what the pilot is saying, because it might be important. One thing’s for sure…it’s going to be more important to me than hearing about what happened on last night’s episode of “The Bachelor.” Guess what? I don’t care who got the rose. I care about listening to instructions so I can get through this plane ride alive.
8) I want to be sure the flight attendant gets my order right, and that may be difficult if you are sitting right next to me or behind me and won’t stop screaming in excitement because your girlfriend got to touch Justin Timberlake’s hand at a concert. I don’t want to get peanuts when I ordered Cheez-its. I know both are full of sodium, but I prefer the taste of the Cheez-its.
9) I want to be able to finish writing the great American novel, which is most certainly not about who told off whom on “Jersey Shore” yesterday.
10) You’re allowed to use your cell phone almost everywhere else…why can’t you just detach it from your ear for the duration of the flight, out of respect for your fellow passengers, who have no escape from hearing your torturous voice other than to lock themselves in the cramped bathroom and come out with scoliosis? If you must make a call, please keep it brief, i.e., “We just landed. Meet you at the baggage claim.” Thank you!
Holy Bagel! The Scoop on the Big Jewish Holidays
A brief discussion of the major holidays throughout the Jewish calendar year, along with a few tidbits about the related foods.
So, you want to know about Jewish holidays, do you? Well, lucky for you, I have a Jewish fiance! So I can help. Let's go in chronological order throughout the Jewish calendar year, pinpointing and discussing the major holidays.
We begin with Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, in the Fall. On this day, you eat apples and honey, a sweet snack for the start of what will hopefully be a sweet year. It's a day of celebration, obviously--but following quickly on its heels is Yom Kippur, the day of penitence, less than two weeks later. This is where the celebrating ends and the starvation begins. One is supposed to fast from sunset the night before to sunset on Yom Kippur. After sunset, the feast begins! Aptly named Break-fast, it consists of such foods as bagels, lox (smoked salmon), and koogel (a delicious dairy noodle dish that is sometimes also cooked with apples).
The next holiday on the list is the big one, Chanukah (which has almost as many spellings as it does days), in December, eight nights of celebrating and gift-giving, to commemorate the day on which the Jews regained control of their temple from the Syrians. They wanted to re-dedicate the temple to God in order to restore its ritual purity, and they needed eight days' worth of oil to light the menorah (the candelabrum). They only had one days' worth, but amazingly, it lasted the entire eight days. In honor of this, Jews light their own menorahs, adding one candle each night, so that on the final night, all nine candles (one for each day plus a ninth called a shamash) are lit.
The final major holiday in the Jewish calendar year is Passover, in the Spring, the anniversary of the time when God passed over all of Egypt, killing the firstborn child of all families in the land, except those of the Jews, or Israelites, whom he had instructed to slaughter a lamb and spread its blood over the doors of their homes, so they would be spared. Passover lasts for a week, during which one is not supposed to eat yeast. Matza, or unleavened bread (bread without yeast), is the main ingredient in the meals during this time. Macaroons, cookies with chocolate and coconut, are my personal favorite food at Passover.
So now you know a little bit about the Jewish Holidays! L'chaim!
So, you want to know about Jewish holidays, do you? Well, lucky for you, I have a Jewish fiance! So I can help. Let's go in chronological order throughout the Jewish calendar year, pinpointing and discussing the major holidays.
We begin with Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, in the Fall. On this day, you eat apples and honey, a sweet snack for the start of what will hopefully be a sweet year. It's a day of celebration, obviously--but following quickly on its heels is Yom Kippur, the day of penitence, less than two weeks later. This is where the celebrating ends and the starvation begins. One is supposed to fast from sunset the night before to sunset on Yom Kippur. After sunset, the feast begins! Aptly named Break-fast, it consists of such foods as bagels, lox (smoked salmon), and koogel (a delicious dairy noodle dish that is sometimes also cooked with apples).
The next holiday on the list is the big one, Chanukah (which has almost as many spellings as it does days), in December, eight nights of celebrating and gift-giving, to commemorate the day on which the Jews regained control of their temple from the Syrians. They wanted to re-dedicate the temple to God in order to restore its ritual purity, and they needed eight days' worth of oil to light the menorah (the candelabrum). They only had one days' worth, but amazingly, it lasted the entire eight days. In honor of this, Jews light their own menorahs, adding one candle each night, so that on the final night, all nine candles (one for each day plus a ninth called a shamash) are lit.
The final major holiday in the Jewish calendar year is Passover, in the Spring, the anniversary of the time when God passed over all of Egypt, killing the firstborn child of all families in the land, except those of the Jews, or Israelites, whom he had instructed to slaughter a lamb and spread its blood over the doors of their homes, so they would be spared. Passover lasts for a week, during which one is not supposed to eat yeast. Matza, or unleavened bread (bread without yeast), is the main ingredient in the meals during this time. Macaroons, cookies with chocolate and coconut, are my personal favorite food at Passover.
So now you know a little bit about the Jewish Holidays! L'chaim!
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