Sssshhhhh....this is an airplane!

Enough with the chit-chat! The top 10 reasons why cell phones should be banned on airplanes.

Why should cell phones be banned on planes? Here are my top 10 reasons:

1) They supposedly interfere with the radio signals the plane sends and receives, which could cause a miscommunication or total failure of communication between the pilot and the air traffic controller. This could cause a plane to take off at the wrong time and possibly collide with another plane. Would YOU want to be responsible for this? No? Then I think your conversation with your gal pal about where you're going to go shopping once you land can wait.

2) I don't want to listen to you. I don't want to hear you yelling into the phone, completely oblivious of everyone around you who is trying to hear him or herself think or trying to have a quiet, respectful conversation with the person sitting beside him or her. I want to read my book or listen to my iPod without having to hear you yammer on about the new bag you just bought or the amazing guest they had on Oprah yesterday.

3) You could be the one sitting in the seat directly adjacent to the emergency exit, and I don’t really feel like having to scream at you and eventually shove you out of the way and climb over you to do your job, which is to open up the exit and help usher people out when we have to make an emergency landing in the Hudson.

4) I don’t want to hear your kid scream and cry incessantly because you won’t get off the phone for one minute to calm him or her down. I’d prefer to take my plane ride in peace….particularly if it’s a long one.

5) No one else wants to listen to you, have to climb over you to get to the emergency exit, or hear your child scream because you’re neglecting him.

6) If we experience severe turbulence, I don’t really want your phone to fly out of your hand and hit me in the head, rendering me unconscious. I think I speak for all your fellow passengers when I say this.

7) I want to be able to hear what the pilot is saying, because it might be important. One thing’s for sure…it’s going to be more important to me than hearing about what happened on last night’s episode of “The Bachelor.” Guess what? I don’t care who got the rose. I care about listening to instructions so I can get through this plane ride alive.

8) I want to be sure the flight attendant gets my order right, and that may be difficult if you are sitting right next to me or behind me and won’t stop screaming in excitement because your girlfriend got to touch Justin Timberlake’s hand at a concert. I don’t want to get peanuts when I ordered Cheez-its. I know both are full of sodium, but I prefer the taste of the Cheez-its.

9) I want to be able to finish writing the great American novel, which is most certainly not about who told off whom on “Jersey Shore” yesterday.

10) You’re allowed to use your cell phone almost everywhere else…why can’t you just detach it from your ear for the duration of the flight, out of respect for your fellow passengers, who have no escape from hearing your torturous voice other than to lock themselves in the cramped bathroom and come out with scoliosis? If you must make a call, please keep it brief, i.e., “We just landed. Meet you at the baggage claim.” Thank you!