WAFFLE CRISP is highly addictive

Are you familiar with the cereal Waffle Crisp? It is sweet and delicious and composed of tiny little waffles soaked in syrup. I used to love it as a child, and then it disappeared for years, YEARS, and then the unthinkable happened...I found it again, in an A&P grocery store in Hastings-on-Hudson, New York, my new home. I bought a box, and consumed it in a single day. A matter of a few hours, really. I just couldn't get enough of it. So I went back a couple days later and bought another box, which I proceeded to consume again in a single day. Hmmm...that's interesting. Again, as soon as the sweet taste of syrup-soaked waffle in cold milk hit my tongue, a sensation so divine and delightful shot through the sensory receptors in my brain and I felt pure happiness. I bought another box. And then another. I have not been able to make a box of Waffle Crisp cereal last longer than two days since I found it again here in New York. I can only conclude that Waffle Crisp...must be laced with cocaine. They should call it Waffle-cane. Or Waffle-ocaine Crisp. I'm just kidding. Now you can't sue me, Post Cereals. And if you did, I would no longer buy your cereal. Well, I would TRY not to buy it. But, addictions can be hard to break...

Chocolate Massage

What's the deal with a chocolate massage, anyway? So you get chocolate rubbed all over you by someone you don't know, and then what? You're just supposed to wash it off? Well what good is that? Waste of chocolate. Why use something as tasty as chocolate if you're not going to eat it? Why not use something else with the same consistency and feel, but not the sweetness? Unless someone is going to be licking that chocolate off of you, I don't see the point in having it put on in the first place.

Another thing to worry about....

Well, summer is here, and so is swamp-ass. But luckily, we have air-conditioning! Well, some of us do. Not to rub it in for those who don't. But, those of you who don't, this topic still should be of concern to you. For I am not about to discuss the use of air conditioners--but rather, the hazard they present. I first thought about this as I was walking to work in Manhattan one day, on the sidewalk, and happened to look up at a very tall building and see many air conditioners hanging out of windows, as they tend to do. And I thought to myself, with all these people walking this sidewalk every day, and all the sidewalks of New York City, and all the air conditioners hanging out of all the windows, what are the odds that one air conditioner--AT LEAST ONE--will fall from its perch, its supports broken or improperly installed by a careless individual, and smash into the head of one of the passersby, killing them instantly. Is it a morbid thought? Yes. But couldn't it happen? Yes, of course. Is it worth worrying about excessively? Probably not, for the average person. But do I take care to walk on the edge of the sidewalk, as far from the potential arc of a falling air conditioner as I possibly can, just in case? Yes I do. And does this make me more likely to be hit by a swerving vehicle driven by one of the thousands of nuts in the Big Apple? Well, we can't worry about everything. But wouldn't you rather be hit by a car than crushed by an air conditioner? You decide.

How to Stand Out in the Crowd

A helping hand, people. When you don't know what a word means, just don't look it up, don't ask anyone, and simply interpret it any way you please, however totally incorrect. Just take a guess. It just may get you noticed. It did for me. And look where I am now. I did that with the word 'swanky,' which was the announced attire for an awards ceremony for our college theatre group, Stage Troupe. Everyone else--and I mean, every single other person--who attended wore either a suit or a dress. I wore a black hefty trash bag with armholes cut out, and sunglasses. I just could not believe I was the only one who had interpreted the attire more...loosely? Creatively? Stupidly? So, the moral is, don't think you won't be the only one. Don't think, Oh I'm sure someone else will wear this, someone else will do this, because you might turn out to be terribly wrong. Some ideas--like about forty-five percent of mine--sound great in your head but lose a little something in reality, when you're sitting in a huge plastic bag surrounded by people dressed to the hilt in red-carpet style. That may have been a wake-up call for me, because it certainly deterred me from ever doing that again, even though I did receive several compliments on my wardrobe.

Laundry (revisited)

So here's a fun fact, or I guess an opinion really, because some may disagree (for incomprehensible reasons). If you run out of underwear, it's not a good idea to wear your bathing suit for three days under a pair of jeans. It's not all that comfortable. It bunches up a lot in all the wrong places, and if you think a normal wedgie is bad, try a nylon/mesh wedgie, intensified by said bunching. It feels like a fisherman has caught you by the butt with his net and is trying to pull you in. You're better off going commando, even in jeans. Or you could just do your laundry, but maybe you have no choice, at least for today. I wore that bathing suit and jeans combo for three days straight. I've only felt more disgusting a few other times in my life. My buddy and I actually started a Facebook group called 'The Victims of Underwear Shortage' in honor and support of all those college students who temporarily at a very bad time have found themselves unable to fit laundry into their schedules or budgets. It's a support group. Real people. Real stories. Real underwear. Check it out and join if you're brave enough to share your story with us.

Roommates and Neighbors

Who are the worst neighbors ever? Me and my roommate (one of my best friends)during our sophomore year of college were probably good candidates. I don't think we would have won, but we would have put up a fight, that's for sure. I won't lay any blame on our third roommate; he was innocent. He was quiet and courteous. We, on the other hand, crammed fifteen (15) people into our cramped room that slept three but appeared to have been built for two and a half, and belted out Kelly Clarkson songs at the top of our lungs at midnight. Well, we had fun, at least. I don't think our neighbors did.
In terms of being good roommates to each other, we did quite well. Except for the time two of us threw balled-up articles of clothing at our innocent, quiet roommate while he slept. When he woke up, it looked as though he had passed out in a laundry basket. I was overall a good roommate all through college, once I stopped hanging my sweaty jockstrap in the window directly facing my freshman-year roommate's (another one of my best friends)bed, so that the breeze brought all the odor right to his nostrils. And I was second in my class in high school? Good lord, what did the people at the bottom of the class do?

Hostage teaser trailer